To Live Again
by PoetWITHOUTaCause
Summary: It wasn't a new thing for her, honestly. She had been captive in the dark castle until she wasn't, she had been a captive of Evil Queen's until the curse, and she had been a captive of Regina's until she was released. But this captivity was foreign to her. Now she is a captive of her own mind. AU ONESHOT


**Summary; **It wasn't a new thing for her, honestly. She had been captive in the dark castle until she wasn't, she had been a captive of Evil Queen's until the curse, and she had been a captive of Regina's until she was released. But this captivity was foreign to her. Now she is a captive of her own mind.  
**Story Type;** AU  
**Rating; **PG-14 (Swearing)  
**Pairing;** BellexRumple RubyxBelle  
**AN;** Inspired by The Host in a way...  
**-**Disclaimer**-**

* * *

"Look at me!" She yelled, helplessly. It was no use. No matter how much she screamed at the top of her lungs, her mouth wouldn't move. She tried over and over again. But she was captive. It wasn't a new thing for her, honestly. She had been captive in the dark castle until she wasn't, she had been a captive of Evil Queen's until the curse, and she had been a captive of Regina's until she was released by some strange, unfamiliar man. But this captivity was foreign to her. She had never read about it in one of her books. She has never prepared for this moment because as far as she knew, it would never come. But it did and now she is a captive of her own mind. Her own body.

She can't describe it but she can damn well try and she does every day. She is locked away, like in a cage but it has no bars and no doors, like glass but she can't be seen... It's like a mirror in those police dramas she watched with Rumple. She can see out, she can hear the thoughts of this new Belle French- the spell has locked her away and put this girl in her place. She can't feel the things this imposter is feeling, but she can watch, almost like it's on a TV in a way; a TV like the one in her apartment, and maybe that's how it is. She is in her own body, she walks through her numerous memories- she particularly likes the one with Rumple and how they just laid in bed at nights telling stories- more so her than him- but they told stories and they would fall asleep and when she woke she could smell breakfast and it was amazing, but then magic separated them and somehow brought them back together and she wouldn't stop fighting. Not now or ever.

She watched when he came with the cup, she heard her imposter telling him to leave, and when she threw the cup and smashed it against the wall, Belle, the real Belle, threw herself against the wall over and over, yelling and screaming, and then crumpling to the ground sobbing. She found herself in her warrior's guise or maybe a dress from Storybrooke, sometimes even her blue frock. She could do whatever she wanted, she organized her memories like a library, replaying ones on her TV, or she'd go to the library and read books that were there when she was. It was like an alternate universe, but she couldn't move forward- no, only backwards. She was stuck and she _hated _it. Ruby had come to visit her. But her eyes help pity for this imposter and she spoke in a tone that would only be appropriate if you were speaking to a baby. But in some ways, she was. Sometimes Belle would pound against that glass wall, and sometimes she could feel it give way, but then nothing.

* * *

It was Friday, the day Belle was released back into Storybrooke. Ruby was the one to come and pick her up. She drove them to Belle's library and walked them up the stairs to her place. She watched as Ruby let the imposter walk around. Belle didn't understand why, she'd make sure she didn't have the time to get comfortable because soon, very soon Belle would break this plate of glass and she would take back her life. "Don't worry, Belle. I'll be staying with you." Ruby said to the imposter. _She is a good friend; probably the most normal of this town._ Belle heard the imposter say in her head, and she wanted to laugh as she paced the wall, her warrior's guise appearing on her. "She's a werewolf you idiot! Nothing in this town is normal!" She called, but her words bounced off, throwing themselves back at her. She screamed in annoyance, she hated this.

* * *

Now it was Wednesday. Imposter had taken to the library like a natural- duh. She loved iced teas- of course. She was sitting in a booth, drink from an iced tea, Ruby was walking around taking orders, the bell over the door chimed and Imposter looked up to see who it was. She loved the game of seeing the people of Storybrooke, of who lived here. But she didn't know the truth, she would never know and everybody walked on eggshells around her because of it. And Belle hated it; she didn't like not knowing what was going on or being babysat at night by Ruby. But her heart jumped when Rumple was the one to cross the threshold. He was back. A smile lit up her face, her outfit changed into a Storybrooke dress, but the moment he saw her, saw the imposter, his eyes widen and he turned away, leaving.

_Who is he? Why does he know me? Scary man, ball of fire, purple smoke. Scary._ Her thoughts were fragments."Ruby, can I get a check?" She asks as her thoughts ran around a mile a minute.

"Don't worry, Belle. I can get it." She smiles at Imposter, and Imposter grabs her coat and leaves. She doesn't see Rumpel again for another month and it's only a quick glance at him opening his door to the shop and disappearing behind it. He scares Imposter, but Belle loves that man and she will never stop fighting for what's hers. So finally she stops banging and scream and she disappears into her library, she reads book upon book, she falls asleep reading but nothing she reads helps her find her cure. She scowls at the words when she reads them and in frustration she has flung more than one book at a wall.

She decides to go back even farther and she cracks open the Storybrooke book. She reads it from cover to cover and later she propels herself back through her memories when she thinks she has found the answer. She watches as Rumple kisses comatose Belle and the she flinches as Imposter screams and flails and then her heart breaks as Rumple . . . she turns away and is back in her library within a millisecond. The reason for this hell is because the Imposter isn't open to loving him- that's why the kiss didn't work. Her heart isn't open and that's why Belle can't break free. She hugs her body to herself, sliding down a wall and she cries. Her arms ache and she wants to disappear- no, she wants her life back. She wants Rumple to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay. She wants to hold his hand as they watch a sappy romance that she talks him into because even though it's a little thing, she knows he will do it because it is for her. She wants to have another girls night out with Ruby and sit on the couch watching sappy romance movies with her because she knows they both love what a struggle it is to get the two people in the movie who are perfect together, together.

She wants to live again.


End file.
